Friendship RIP

When is it time to end a friendship with someone? Are there warning bells that chime when you just aren’t on the same page anymore or certain signs that indicate it’s time you should move on?

Last week I had dinner with a good girlfriend of mine who was asking me what she should do about a friend of hers who has become, let’s just say, a demanding cow. My girlfriend (A1) is the doting kind – she does a lot for her friends and is the kind of person you can always depend on to do the right thing by you. Lately her friend (A2) has been exceptionally adverse to the fact that A1 has a boyfriend and is looking for a house to buy, spending more time at Ikea than out on the town. A2 isn’t ready for all that lovey-dovey, commitment stuff and is still enjoying going home with different men after drunken stupors in various seedy bars and clubs on the glitter strip. And she expects A1 to happily tag along.

So the problem with A1 is that A2 is complaining to her that she ‘doesn’t spend any time with her anymore’ because A1 is doing things like saving money, having nights in with her boyfriend and studying (I actually don’t see anything wrong with that). The thing is, A1 doesn’t want to spend time with A2 anymore because her priorities have changed and she doesn’t have the heart to tell A2 that she’s not into her choice of lifestyle anymore.

So I guess this poses the question – how to you broach the subject that you’ve ‘changed’ and tell your friend, it’s not you, it’s me?

I can understand that most girls have a couple of friends they consider wild and crazy, we all do – these are the lovable friends who get too drunk, try and have punch ups with other girls outside Maccas at 2am and then vomit on your new heels as they throw themselves into a waiting taxi. But they are who they are and they don’t pretend to be anyone else (and best of all they don’t want to change you) and you love them, flaws and all.

Does that love change when your girlfriend/s wants you to conform to something you know you’re not? Do you think having that awkward chat with her will fix things and make life easier, or ruin the friendship? And if it’s the latter, is it a friendship worth patching up?

We live in a world where young women idolise characters like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda for their tight-knit friendship circle and unparalleled support for the life choices each other makes. Has this given us an unrealistic view of what friendship should be? I have no doubt in my mind that I would like to know that my friends support me in my endeavours, but if they didn’t, would it be worth my while trying to salvage something that was doomed to break or moving on without a backward glance?

I think it’s different if you clash over something but can get over it the next day – that’s a sign of a true friend. Being able to forgive and move on. As for A1 and A2’s future friendship – I’ll keep you posted…