Makeup mahem

Unless you have six arms, please don't attempt this in the morning traffic rush!

When I was little, weekday mornings were always a mad rush to get my brother and I to school.

My mum successfully managed to juggle packing our lunches, making breakfast, ironing our uniforms and my dad’s work shirt, getting us dressed and making sure we brushed our teeth/hair, then showering herself and getting dressed before heading out the door. 

The only thing she would never put on before she left the house was her makeup. That was left for the car…

Now I used to watch my mum as she quickly and effectively applied foundation, mascara, blush, lipstick and combed her hair in a matter of two or three traffic light stops – she was quick, no mucking around here!

Now I know this is dangerous to do in the car, and I myself don’t have the coordination to even contemplate doing it, but it seems as though others who really should take more time in the morning to do their face, unfortunately leave it for the drive to work.

I had the unhappy pleasure of driving behind one such tragic this morning – she was hardly as deft as my mother in the applying-makeup-in-car department, and proceeded to swerve around in her lane, then into the other lane, narrowly missing oncoming traffic.

It wasn’t as if she even waited to stop at a light or anything – she thought she could do this while moving at more than 80km/hour. Oh the rush and the stress of it all!

I couldn’t even get around the maniac – she was swerving so much that if I had gone around her I probably would have been side-swiped. Cars were dodging her as they zoomed past, some even breaking to take a gander at the crazy behind the wheel.

Once we eventually stopped at a traffic light, she missed the light once it turned green. I let her know it was time to move (well, my horn let her know) to which I got a rude response – she gave me the finger.

Well that’s fine love, but next time you’re wrapped around a light pole because you’re trying to fix your ugly mug in the tiny rear-view mirror instead of waking up 15 minutes earlier in the morning and being better organised to do it at home, maybe you will then re-assess how important it was to apply makeup in the car.

If you have mastered the art like my mum did back in the day, then hats off to you. In the meantime, please leave this task to your bathroom ladies!

Moving sucks

Maybe it’s because I’ve got paint under my fingernails, gyprock dust in my hair and have been cleaning and unpacking constantly for the past two weeks that I feel like an emotional wreck.

Moving house should be illegal. I know there are some people who really don’t mind doing it, but I am certainly not one of them.

Flat-pack furniture is another thing that should be prohibited. Things come cracked and with much less gleam than what they looked like on the shop floor… and it is just a pain in the arse to make! Bits don’t fit and parts that should slide in with ease don’t want to budge…

To give you an idea of my emotional state, as I was unpacking some kitchen ware the other day I stumbled upon some old-school bake ware that was given to us by Ben’s grandmother. I burst into tears upon seeing it. As most of you know I love cooking, and I like to think that I’ll make meals for people I care about using these items – just as they were used by Ben’s grandparents in the same way.

I don’t think that it really called for uncontrollable sobbing though? Usually I am not that bad…

Another thing – my neat freak persona hates the fact that one minute I’ll have a spotless house after three hours of scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting and mopping and the next I’ll turn around and it’s a filthy mess! They say that even after six months you’ll still be sucking up construction dust in a newly built home.

Great! I have another six months of this to look forward too…

And the dog. Oh, the dog.

I get that it’s a new yard Charlie, but seriously, do you want the neighbours to hate us before they’ve even gotten to know us? If I was a dog I would probably be excited about getting a new yard too, but please try and tone it down a notch!

The howling, chasing birds and barking at neighbours when they walk by with their baby in a stroller isn’t going to make us popular in the new street.

Honestly, I am glad my partner in crime feels the same way – with an aching back, sunburned skin and irritated eyes from sawdust, I am somewhat glad that Ben feels as shit as I do right now. He has transformed a mud pit into a stunning and perfectly preened yard.

At least we can see the prize at the finishing line and I am sure one day, we will sit back after all the cleaning, unpacking and hard labour and say yep, we did this and it’s all ours.

Copy Cat

I like to think that, at times, I have good ideas and try to think about things creatively and outside the square.

I don’t mind that people feel inspired by some of those ideas – it’s flattering to say the least.

Lately however, I’ve noticed that people are taking a little too much interest in my thoughts and ideas and adapting them as their own. As I said before, I’m happy that people like my ideas, but that's just it - they are my ideas, not yours.

A friend of mine recently gave birth to a baby boy. While she was preggers I had an excitable conversation about whether it was a boy or a girl, baby names, baby clothing etcetera etcetera. During the conversation I volunteered my favourite boy/girl names that I wanted to use in the future. Low and behold, when she gave birth over the weekend, her beautiful bouncy baby boy coincidentally had the same name I would have used for my son. Coincidence? Not sure about that!

I really shouldn’t be that annoyed. I don’t plan on having kids any time soon so I have no stake in that name. But still it kind of pissed me off.

The same goes for clothing. I used to know this girl who was a few years younger than me who was going out with a guy friend of mine. I didn’t like this girl at all and she didn’t like me, but that didn’t stop her copying what I wore. For instance, we went to the races with my friend and her and I wore a particular purple dress with heels and a fascinator. The next time we saw them at a birthday party there she was in a purple dress and heels, same cut, same hue and even tried to do her hair the same way I had mine.

What is that? My mum says I should just take it as a complement, but it just irks me more than anything.

Now with my wedding coming up, I am being very careful about what I divulge. It’s probably going to be the most memorable day of my life and I don’t particularly want to see a clone of it any time soon.

People just don’t care – they’ll just take, take, take and then take credit for it.

Well this girl is keeping her mouth shut from now on. Go get your own ideas!