A matter of opinon

Unless you're my doctor, family, or a friend, keep your opinion to yourself!

As I am sure many pregnant women will attest, getting every second person’s opinion on your unborn can be highly frustrating. And by this I mean every second stranger's opinion.

In my current state, mine, my husband’s and my obstetrician’s opinion are the only ones that count at the moment. And after that, once the baby arrives, we’ll take opinions and try things out, but at the end of the day it will be our decision on how to raise it, what things to try etc.

Yesterday, some bogan Barbie who worked at a newsagent decided to tell me in no uncertain terms that I was going to have a huge baby and that I would need all the luck I could get. This is pretty much how the conversation went:

Me: Hi, just the two cards thanks.

Bogan Barbie: Sure (scanning and entering stuff in computer). So when are you due?
Me: In six weeks.
Bogan Barbie: (Cue dramatic eye roll) Oh wow, is it your first? You’re quite big; your baby is going to be huge. Don’t they like, grow heaps in the last four weeks?
Me: Yes it’s our first and the baby is healthy, which is all that matters.
Bogan Barbie: Well, good luck, you’re going to need it.
Me: Thanks.

Gee, thanks for that bit of helpful input, are you a doctor that just moonlights as a rude chick that works at an Ashmore newsagency? You don't even know me!

I didn’t tell her that I thought she should go and see a dermatologist for her awful patchy skin and smoker’s lines all over her face. Nor did I tell her that she was in dire need of a trip to the hairdresser. I just walked away.

I’ve also been told by people who obviously just like the sound of their own voices, what sex my baby will be and how tired I look. Well, considering I AM PREGNANT and due in six weeks, I am not surprised I look tired, because I am! You would think that people should be trying to be overly nice to pregnant women and tell them they look fantastic even if you don’t feel or look it.

I had a business meeting this week at the workplace of a good friend of mine and as I walked in the office she said “Hi Ash, how are you? You look great!” – it was just the boost I needed.

I think hitting the awkward phase of the pregnancy has affected me more than I thought it would. It is hard to sleep, sit, get comfortable in any position and don’t even talk about my inability to dry myself properly, shave my legs or do up shoes… and on top of all that I have to endure the comments of imbeciles who think nothing of sharing their thoughts about me or how it is delivered.

The blessing is that I know in a few small weeks, it will all be over and we will finally get to meet Baby V.  

So for now, unless you’re a friend or family member, keep your opinions to yourself (if they aren’t of a constructive nature) because this pregnant woman may just unleash her inner crazy at you – and that, I can assure, will not be pretty.

Why labels have been 'attached' to parenting

Image thanks to 60 Minutes Australia

This really isn’t a topic that I want to get too heavily involved in… but I have an opinion and want to share it!

Last night 60 Minutes aired a story called On Demand , which was all about ‘attachment parenting’. Put simply, attachment parenting is basically where the parents respond immediately to the natural needs and demands of their child/children.

This includes feeding (breastfeeding more specifically) until the child is ready to be weaned off the boob and other things including co-sleeping (where the child sleeps in its parent’s bed at night so that they are in close physical contact at all times) and emotional contact (if they child cries it is immediately soothed so that they aren’t stressed or scared).

60 Minutes interviewed several mothers who practiced fulltime attachment parenting including several who were still breastfeeding their children at the age of four.

Now I have absolutely no issue with breastfeeding – that’s not my issue. I plan on breastfeeding and I am all for the nutritional and emotional benefits it gives the child. But I can’t help but feel that these parents, although doctors say they will probably raise more emotionally tuned-in kids, will also raise highly needy and dependent kids because they are choosing to give in to the wants of their children who are nearly at the age of starting school.

In the series The Slap on ABC, Melissa George’s character Rosie is an earth mother and attachment parent to her four-year-old son, Hugo. I will never forget the scene where the child runs up to his mother, wailing (because he did the wrong thing and was reprimanded by another adult) and basically pulls down her top and starts sucking because he is upset. No permission is asked, it is just assumed and his mother is happy to oblige much to the disgust of the other adults.

Now I am not debating that the role of a mother is to nurture her family - we were put on this planet to reproduce and it's a gift that I am happy to have been given.

But I think that when you’re a parent, it’s important that your child knows that you love them no matter what and that you go through certain means of showing and telling them this. Your child will grow up knowing how much they are loved because of how you show your affection for them – not because of how much time they have spent attached to your nipple.

I don’t think that mothers should be made to feel bad for not being able to be a full-time attachment parent and breastfeed on demand because they have to go back to work after six months to help support the family. Yes, some mothers have to put their kids into day care – shock horror!

I suppose that I should mention that I am not against attachment parenting at all - I am against the women who choose to put other mothers down because of their superior attitudes and 'I'm better than you' mentality that some mothers have adopted.  

Unfortunately you can’t have it all (be a fulltime attachment parent and be with your child 24/7 and also go back to a fulltime job) so now we have this division that has been created between attachment and non-attachment parents. Why can’t we just be called parents – mothers and fathers? Why has this war between mothers been created when we should really just be supporting each other for doing the best that we can?  

I love the fact that some mothers are able to stay at home with their children and immediately be there for them when they need to be fed or consoled – I would love to give up work forever and just focus on raising a family, but that’s not a reality for me and it’s not for a majority of other women out there as well.

The attachment parenting debate also focuses in on co-sleeping. The 60 Minutes story highlighted pros and cons for this – some parents are just lazy and can’t be bothered getting up to their child in the middle of the night. Other parents are so in-tuned with their baby that if the mother wakes, checks on her child and goes back to sleep, that the baby will often wake, realise they are in close contact with their mother and father, and immediately fall back to sleep without a whimper.

There are some mothers who also swear by self-soothing, where the child cries itself to sleep and gets itself over any issue it had. These mothers have been branded harsh and careless. I have a massive issue with this. The child isn’t loved any less just because it is teaching itself to calm down – it is just the parent’s choice to put their child into this particular routine and the child eventually adapts to it.

Above all, I feel like my husband summed it up best last night by stating that it has become more about the mother and her choices as a parent, and less about the actual baby. Why is the media focusing on driving a wedge between parents when they should be focusing on the good things mothers and fathers are achieving together?

This debate is not for everyone and I don’t have much more to say than this: I am sure each parent strives to be the best mother or father to their children that they can be, and in my book, that’s good enough.

Makeup mahem

Unless you have six arms, please don't attempt this in the morning traffic rush!

When I was little, weekday mornings were always a mad rush to get my brother and I to school.

My mum successfully managed to juggle packing our lunches, making breakfast, ironing our uniforms and my dad’s work shirt, getting us dressed and making sure we brushed our teeth/hair, then showering herself and getting dressed before heading out the door. 

The only thing she would never put on before she left the house was her makeup. That was left for the car…

Now I used to watch my mum as she quickly and effectively applied foundation, mascara, blush, lipstick and combed her hair in a matter of two or three traffic light stops – she was quick, no mucking around here!

Now I know this is dangerous to do in the car, and I myself don’t have the coordination to even contemplate doing it, but it seems as though others who really should take more time in the morning to do their face, unfortunately leave it for the drive to work.

I had the unhappy pleasure of driving behind one such tragic this morning – she was hardly as deft as my mother in the applying-makeup-in-car department, and proceeded to swerve around in her lane, then into the other lane, narrowly missing oncoming traffic.

It wasn’t as if she even waited to stop at a light or anything – she thought she could do this while moving at more than 80km/hour. Oh the rush and the stress of it all!

I couldn’t even get around the maniac – she was swerving so much that if I had gone around her I probably would have been side-swiped. Cars were dodging her as they zoomed past, some even breaking to take a gander at the crazy behind the wheel.

Once we eventually stopped at a traffic light, she missed the light once it turned green. I let her know it was time to move (well, my horn let her know) to which I got a rude response – she gave me the finger.

Well that’s fine love, but next time you’re wrapped around a light pole because you’re trying to fix your ugly mug in the tiny rear-view mirror instead of waking up 15 minutes earlier in the morning and being better organised to do it at home, maybe you will then re-assess how important it was to apply makeup in the car.

If you have mastered the art like my mum did back in the day, then hats off to you. In the meantime, please leave this task to your bathroom ladies!

Not a Belieber

Okay, I do NOT understand the phenomenon that is Bieber. WTF?? There is something about this kid and his know-it-all attitude that is seriously getting to me.

I know that I am not an over-stimulated, hormone driven 15-year-old girl anymore, but this kid seriously is out of line with some of the crappola that is coming out of his mouth.

What is concerning is that his God-like status amongst everyone under the age of 17 (and many others much, much older) gives him a free ticket to do/say/sing what he likes.

This week a new interview between Rolling Stone Magazine and Bieber was published. The ‘teen sensation’ was asked about girls, love, sex, politics and everything in-between, and his responses (in my opinion) were….. well, you decide.

Sex: “I think you should just wait for the person you're...in love with”.

Aw, that’s nice Justin, but not how the world works, honey! At least this is a positive message for your younger fans.

Politics: "I'm not sure about the parties," Bieber says. "But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad."

Wow… um okay. Embarrassing much? For someone looking for world-domination you would think he would actually know what is going on in that said world? 

On America: The Canadian-born boy calls Americans “evil” and has no plans to become an American citizen. He also disses the US health-care system (or lack, there of).

On abortion: “I really don't believe in abortion" Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby." How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

No, that’s right Justin, you haven’t been placed in a situation like that and you don’t know how it feels, so please don’t give your opinion! PUNK! These comments really upset me!

PalindromicGirl on Twitter says: When Bieber is old enough to become pregnant herself, then maybe she'll understand.

I totally see now that people share my same confused frustration with this kid making comments about life issues that he has no idea about. I also understand the 'Bieber is a girl' references.... because as a 16-year-old boy commenting on girl issues - he has NO clue.

I just think that if you’re going to be in the lime-light and take a stance on issues that you feel are important, maybe first take a step back and think about how your comments come across to the public and fans. And maybe, if you don’t know what you’re talking about; don’t say anything at all.

How about you just stick to singing and get through that awkward phase when your voice breaks… you can also fill more of your time copying Usher’s dance moves.

Justin – your uneducated and frankly out of line comments are not welcome here.

Quotes from:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/justin-bieber-talks-sex-politics-music-and-puberty-in-new-rolling-stone-cover-story-20110216