Easter happiness

Chocolate eggs play a very small role in my Easter... gone are the days of stuffing my face with chocolate eggs!

I just wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy Easter!

It's our first Easter as a 'family' and I am happy to say that we are doing absoutely nothing! I think when Grace is a bit bigger we will go away for Easter family trips, but for the time being, we are just going to chill out with our families and bum around the house. Poor Ben has been working like a dog so he will be hoping to catch up on sleep and spend some quality time with Gracie as most of the time she is asleep by the time he gets home at night : (

Tomorrow it's off to church in the afternoon - Easter means a lot to me and what it represents so church is high on my (small) list of things to do this long-weekend. It gives me time to reflect on my blessings and be thankful for the life that I am so lucky to have.

Easter with my family while I was growing up was always spent boating - running around with my brother on the sand, driving around in the 'rubber ducky' and swimming and kayaking until we were sunburnt and buggered... good times! We always wondered how the Easter Bunny could get to us on our boat, but he always, always managed to find us! These are my most favourite memories.

So here's to some beautiful weather, time with family and chilled champagne and seafood! Take a minute to reflect on how good you have it and be thankful for the wonderful people you have in your life.

Happy Easter xo

Why not celebrate love every day?

Today is Valentine’s Day and of course, it has got me thinking about love.

My husband and I don’t really do anything special for this day, but we used to when our relationship was young, which is really the group of people (those in new relationships) who I think really make the most of Valentine’s Day.

Ben says that we often do nice things for each other and with each other and that we don’t need just one day to express our love for each other, and I couldn’t agree with him more. Hey, we are married and a beautiful baby girl… there is a lot of love in our life and it’s evident every day - I don’t need a box of chocolates and red roses to know I am loved. Also, I tend to think of Valentine’s Day as more of a clever marketing campaign on steroids than a day to express genuine, unwavering love for someone.

It got me thinking that I am so lucky to have so much real love in my life and that I get to experience it on a daily basis. I think falling in love, whether it be with a special someone, your newborn baby, a puppy, or even a fantastic pair of heels (hey I know girls who go weak at the knees for a fabulous pair of shoes), is one of the best feelings in the world. Having something or someone to love and cherish is a wonderful thing.

In 2010 when my husband and I got married, we used a quote on the front of our wedding invitations that read “the greatest thing in life is to love, and be loved”. This is one of my favourite quotes and I really do believe it to be true.

So on days like this, when love is at the forefront of many people’s minds, I think how lucky I am to have true, meaningful love in my life every single day. I am a bit of a romantic, but nothing says love like a person who will stick by you at your worst and your best and still be there for you at the end of the day.

To my husband Ben, having you to love is the best thing ever and I am a very blessed to have your love in return. 

A few things I have to smile about right now...

It is so easy to get caught up on negative things so I have decided to dedicate this post to a few things that are bringing a smile to my face at the moment - it really is the simple things in life (in my case) that are the best things.

Our pregnancy announcement

It is so great to finally be able to talk about our pregnancy with everyone – the pressure of having such a big secret like that was torture! We had to make our families take an oath that they wouldn’t say anything until we were given the ‘all clear’ from our doctors and now that we have, it’s going to be pretty hard for me to shut up about it! Being pregnant is a blessing and it is great to be able to share it with our loved ones.

The benefits of being pregnant

As well as being able to tell the world about how happy we are to be adding to our family, I have been incredibly lucky to have had no nasty side-effects from being pregnant (touch wood!). My hair and nails have never looked better and are growing at an astronomical rate, I’m eating the healthiest I’ve ever eaten and I love the fact that after cutting out caffeine and alcohol all together that I don’t miss it at all.

My friend Kate

Even though she is moving away from her family, friends and the sunny beaches of the Gold Coast to live it up in the cool, cosmopolitan capital of Victoria, my friend Kate always makes me happy. She was one of my bridesmaids when I got married (and flew all the way here from Dubai for it I might add!) and has always been a great buddy. Unfortunately she hasn’t had the best few months lately and is making a city change to Melbourne in a couple of weeks, but I am so impressed with her courage and poise, especially during the hard times. I will miss her but I know she’s destined for great things!

Sale time

I have become somewhat of an expert in bargain shopping (online or in-store) so much so that I am sure A Current Affair or a similar program is going to get wind of this and ask me for shopping tips to share with their audiences. I have been trawling eBay of late for specific items that I really just can’t justify paying full price for and I’ve found some gems. I’ve kept an ear out for any great deals in the EOFY (end of financial year) sales around the place and picked up some bargain items for the house and some beautiful items for the baby. I’ve been reporting my money-saving tips to my husband, who I think is pretty impressed with my sudden urge to save every dollar!

My dog Charlie

This dog has personality plus! He might drive us nuts at times, but Charlie is the best thing about coming home after a crappy day. His unconditional love for Ben and I is so endearing and his genuine affection for all his stuffed toys (of which we have adopted names for) is the cutest thing – this dog really has given us some valid parents-to-be training and always brings a smile to my dial.

 Cooking up a storm

I love it when I come across a fantastic recipe to add to my repertoire. Today for instance, I found one for almond and berry smoothies, which sounds like it is full of flavour, antioxidants and lots of healthy things! I am keen to try it out (and will share recipe in due course).

TV = chilled out

Something simple, but I love it when there are good things to look forward to on TV. For instance, this week is the State of Origin decider game, which my husband and I can’t wait to watch. It may seem lame, but coming home after a long day and realising there is something great on TV that night is sometimes just the thing I need to relax and zone out.

The hot sun on a winter’s day

Nothing beats this when you’re sniffling and cold indoors – the winter sun feels as though it has real healing properties. Winter isn’t the best of seasons (apart from the seasonal fashion, there isn’t much I love about it) so I’ve been making the most of the warming glow I get when I sit outside to eat breakfast in the morning or take the dog for a walk in the afternoon. Yesterday we had lunch by the beach with a couple of friends enjoying the fresh air and afternoon sun. Feeling cosy and warm when you would otherwise be cold is the best!



Friend of foe - who knows?

Best friends can fight, but doing something intentionally hurtful is not the mark of a true friend.

When it comes to girls sticking by their friends, I am very loyal. Like Serena always forgives Blair after an almighty hair-pulling, name-calling, back-stabbing tirade, these besties are always there for one another.

This may not be an episode of Gossip Girl, but I can honestly say that over the years, I have got myself into fights with some of my closest friends and thanks to the bonds of sisterhood, all has been forgiven and forgotten. That is the mark of true friendship.

It’s funny when people come in and out of friendship ‘groups’ – I can honestly say that despite this, I’ve had the same friends for years – we have endured a lot together despite others trying to weaken our bond with jealousy or whatever petty agenda they might have had.

It’s the same with people ‘competing’ over a friend and trying to one-up someone. Who are you trying to impress? Are you just trying to satiate your own insecurities by sucking up to someone to prove to everyone else that you’re actually besties with them? Pathetic.

Is it something in our blood that girls have to one-up each other? Have better jobs, better cars, better looking boyfriends or husbands, nicer homes and hair cuts? I get that ladies tend to be like this with their frenemies, but with a friend? That’s a no-no. Jealously is an ugly thing after all and if we are friends, why are we competing?

So when something bad happens to a girlfriend at the hands of a supposed ‘friend’, it leaves me pretty gobsmacked. Do these sisterly bonds mean nothing?

One of my best friends was recently let down by someone she considered a friend in the worst imaginable way (I won’t go into details) and it has hurt her so much. The worst thing is, is that this isn’t the first time my friend has been affected by the actions of a girlfriend.

It makes me so incredibly infuriated that one friend would do something so heinous to another. Are girls so horrible and nasty that they take joy in bitching and backstabbing one of their own? Is that person so narcissistic and awful that their friend’s feelings never come into consideration?

We don’t have to agree with each other and see eye to eye on everything, but this is the reason why I love my friends – we are all different and have differing views on life and how to live it.

My mother taught me that I had to look after my friends and be there for them. I feel like I have always strived to do this and be the best friend I can be. Sometimes it’s hard – it’s give and take after all – but at the end of the day at least I know I did the best thing I could for my mate.

I guess on reflection, it’s a bit sad that girls still want to bring each other down, even their own friends.  Having attended school with a lot of my current friends, we have known each other for a long time. We are now nearing 30 and it saddens me that I still see girls who know not the value of a real friendship. If they did, their actions wouldn’t be so unforgivable and just plain hurtful.

The moral of the story is this – us girls need to stick together because in life, you need real friends you can always count on.

Perspective is everything

Last week my family and I were unfortunately guests at two funerals.

The first was for my 93-year-old Grana, who lived on the land and had a long and happy life.

The second was for my long-time neighbour and dear family friend Mike Stout, who sadly, passed away at only 56 after a long battle with cancer.

It’s a strange thing, I think, dealing with grief amidst all the joy and excitement that comes with Christmas. I feel like my emotions are giving me a massive battering – one minute I think about spending the holidays with my family and friends and I get a feeling of immense happiness, the next I am crying in the arms of my (incredibly) supportive husband about how life isn’t fair.

My friend Hayls wisely told me that amongst all the good that comes with this time of year, it’s the universe’s way of balancing the good with the bad and that unfortunately, bad things happen when there is good around.

It’s odd because last year at exactly the same time, just a week before Christmas, I had a negative turn of events whereby I found myself in hospital having surgery. Needless to say my Christmas last year was pretty lack-lustre and it looks like this year it will be a pretty sombre one too.

My husband told me though; it all comes down to perspective. While discussing life and our two loved ones that have now left us, we were talking about how their families would be coping and how they would move forward after such immense loss.

What I have learned out of this situation is, it’s not just about the quantity of life, it’s about the quality of life and the special moments that make life all the more special. On one hand my Grana lived a long life, but it was filled with such struggle and tragedy that only families who have lived on a farm or station know.

In her latter years, she got to enjoy the love and company of her family – grandchildren and great-grandchildren – so that once she passed her life was rich and full of happy memories.

Our friend Mike achieved so much in his short life – more in fact than many would ever achieve if they lived 30 or 40 years more. When I look at his amazing family and the legacy he left behind, it is hard to comprehend how someone achieved so much. He really did want to bring out the best in people and people wanted to better themselves because of him.

I guess that perspective really does teach you to look for the good in every situation – to find a positive in every day, no matter what (something my Dad tells me often).

The perspective that I have gained in the past two weeks is that time really doesn’t stop for anything or anyone and that we are constantly moving forward.

Things do happen at inopportune times, but you can’t plan these things. I can only hope that my family and friends who are going through these tough times after suffering loss, can gain a renewed perspective of life in the hope that it will help them on this emotional journey.

Please don't bitch to me, I don't care for your whingeing

Sometimes people just want to live a life of drama.

I’m talking about the kind of person who thrives off gossip, nastiness and plain old shit-stirring.

I understand that at times it’s easy to be angry at people and have disagreements – fighting with people you care about is an unfortunate part of life. 

However moving on with dignity without dragging someone's name through mud is something that a lot of young people on the Gold Coast need to learn.

I am nearly 30 years old and have been to three different schools. In my time (I sound like an old Geezer, but moving on…) I have been part of many friendship ‘groups’ and hung out with some people who in the end, I didn’t stay friends with for various reasons.

The term ‘group’ is toxic, especially when you’re an adolescent growing up and going through high school – so much so that who you hang out with defines who you are as a person. It’s bullshit!

Now that I’m older I have some incredible friends that I have known for over ten years. What I love about these people is that I think I’ve had fights and disagreements with all of them over the years, and we’re still the best of friends.

With us, the connotation of ‘group’ has been dropped – we’re old enough now to make up our minds about who we love and want to invest time in, and who we had been wasting our breath on.

Being bitter about a failed friendship is shit. Slagging off that friend is even more shit. It’s hard to let go of a friendship because you may hold good memories, but you can’t fix something that’s broke – it will never be the same.

I don’t care for petty gossip, whispers and other people’s drama – I just want to live my life and enjoy the people in my life who actually matter and bring meaning to my existence.  

This is my solemn vow that I, Ashleigh, will no longer waste any time on people who can’t see past their spiteful resentment and just be a nice person.

Maybe it’s what the Gold Coast culture has done to them? But then that’s no excuse – I was born and bred here and have lived her for nearly 27 years and I’m not a cold-hearted bitch.

People should take note – because being a bitch is a pretty ugly trait.

The Art of being HAPPY

Over the weekend, the Courier Mail featured a section in their Q Magazine titled ‘Laughter Lines’ – asking Queenslanders what makes them happy.

The questionnaire received responses from a range of people from all walks of life – ex-sporting greats, homeless people, chief legal professionals, musicians, students, charity directors, and every day residents.

Their answers were sometimes obvious – spending time with family and friends being the major one, but I liked the little specific things that people got much happiness from, like sipping a cup of tea in bed, sinking a putt, a cold beer at the end of the week and (this one is my favourite) watching the Queensland Maroons win at State of Origin time.

I thought about what made me happy, and this is what I’ve come up with:

-Being completely at ease with the world and having nothing to worry about (when I am not stressing about life!)

-Knowing that I have the unconditional love of my family, and that I can give the same in return.
-The crazy, 24-hour devoted love that is given to me by my beloved Cocker Spaniel, Charlie – I believe animals are the cure for even the worst of bad moods.
-Being able to cook for the people I love warms my heart and offers me a therapeutic outlet to express myself through food.
-Waking up and seeing a cloudless, spectacular sky and be thankful for the life and family I was born in to.
-Sharing a beautiful bottle of wine and dining with my wonderful husband in an amazing restaurant.
-Being superfluous with my language and making the most out of adjectives (see above point! Haha!)
-Singing aloud when there is no one at home and thinking to myself that I sound better than most contestants on Australia Idol…
-Being on the water and boating – a lifestyle that I grew up with and would love to give to my children one day.
-Going for a run in the fresh air.
-The excitement of overseas travel and the thought of the unknown, which I want to explore further.
-Having a good book to snuggle down on the couch with and just read for hours.
-Looking through photos from past events and reminiscing about the time that has already flown by.
-My future – one thing I realised is that I have so much to look forward to in life and my future and spending it with my wonderful family and friends makes me the happiest person right now, despite what adversities have featured in my past.

 I think whatever thing makes you happy, hold on to it because life can change in an instant and we all deserve a little happiness, no matter how big or small, or who we are.

“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…” Dalai Lama

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

I think it’s super hard to try and please everyone. I mean, I think you could literally have a nervous breakdown if you were one of those people who just tried to keep everyone happy all the time.

As much as I’d like to be able to achieve this, I am not this person.

Unfortunately some of the things I say/do sometimes don’t go down well with people; but you know what – that’s just A-OK with me.

I am reading this novel at the moment and a character in it is torn about her wedding – her rich fiancé’s mother has offered to throw a lavish affair overseas with all the trimmings, but her parents want her to get married in her home-town chapel with a BBQ and marquee in the backyard.

She can’t decide what to do because she doesn’t want to upset either family, so what does she do? She has two weddings just to keep the peace.

This may be going a tad over the top, I mean you have to give yourself some boundaries don’t you? You have to be able to step in at some point and let someone down, nicely of course.

It got me thinking about how we try and keep other people happy – our boss, our family and friends, our bank managers… I don’t like to ‘rock the boat’ so to speak and I’m lucky that I can be open and honest with my family and friends, but I know what it’s like trying to please someone just to avoid confrontation.

I used to work for this scary-ass lady (I will refer to her as ‘Melanie’ in this blog and I won’t mention where I worked at the time) who was never satisfied.

I pride myself on my work and consider myself to be a pretty conscientious and driven person; but no matter what me or the other staff working at this establishment did, it was not good enough… even if we achieved all our collective goals.

I got to the point (this was just before I left the company) where I think I even lied about a big sale I had made just to avoid getting berated by this woman.

The same thing goes for touchy friend subjects. I know a girl who is too petrified to bring up an issue with another friend for fear that she will dissolve the friendship completely. I told her that the other girl wouldn’t be a real friend if she didn’t understand, but alas, the issue will probably remained bottled up in my other friend’s mind forever.

I don’t get this – you can’t live your life on everyone else’s terms – live it on your terms and if you are unhappy about something or you feel like you’re conforming to unrealistic expectations, do something about it.

There is nothing worse that living an unhappy life, where you wake up with that overall feeling of dread. Lighten the load a bit and accept that sometimes, you just can’t make everyone happy.

Being a good friend is hard sometimes...

It’s really hard when you have a friend make decisions that you don’t think is in their best interest; to say something and confront it has got to be a seriously hard thing to do.

In a round-about kind of way of explaining what I’m talking about, what do you do if you don’t agree with the decisions this person is making? What if you have a gut feeling that they are doomed and want to talk to them about it; is it really your place to or should you just not go there?

I know it sounds overly dramatic, but this is the pickle I have found myself in. I have had to contemplate having awkward conversations with a couple of friends lately and am not sure what approach to take... there are so many factors.
If only we could be telepathic and send warnings or messages to our loved ones that would send them down a safer path. Nothing like “hey, don’t go for that person, they’re not good for you” kind of obvious message, just subtle little hints that make them think twice.

We recently had a good friend move to London indefinitely, giving his family and friends just over one week’s notice and basically dropping all of his responsibilities to run away to an imaginary degree/job/life…. (he has high aspirations for himself and didn’t think he could achieve any of his dreams while living in Australia).

We couldn’t really say “you’ve got no concrete plans, no money, and no-one to support you over there” so we just wished him well in the hopes that he will figure his life out while living there (I would have chosen a cheaper place to run away to than London to have a quarter-life-crisis, but that’s just me!).
So I guess that while writing this, I’ve realised that it’s probably best to just be a supportive friend and hope that they are happy with the decisions they make in life. You can’t tell people what to do/say/date/live/work etc, and I’m not trying to force anything on the people I care about – I just wish that sometimes they’d open their eyes and bit a bit wiser to what is going on around them.

I will adopt the new mantra – if you’re happy, then I’m happy – to all my friends from now on. I guess that’s all you can do, right?

Friendship RIP

When is it time to end a friendship with someone? Are there warning bells that chime when you just aren’t on the same page anymore or certain signs that indicate it’s time you should move on?

Last week I had dinner with a good girlfriend of mine who was asking me what she should do about a friend of hers who has become, let’s just say, a demanding cow. My girlfriend (A1) is the doting kind – she does a lot for her friends and is the kind of person you can always depend on to do the right thing by you. Lately her friend (A2) has been exceptionally adverse to the fact that A1 has a boyfriend and is looking for a house to buy, spending more time at Ikea than out on the town. A2 isn’t ready for all that lovey-dovey, commitment stuff and is still enjoying going home with different men after drunken stupors in various seedy bars and clubs on the glitter strip. And she expects A1 to happily tag along.

So the problem with A1 is that A2 is complaining to her that she ‘doesn’t spend any time with her anymore’ because A1 is doing things like saving money, having nights in with her boyfriend and studying (I actually don’t see anything wrong with that). The thing is, A1 doesn’t want to spend time with A2 anymore because her priorities have changed and she doesn’t have the heart to tell A2 that she’s not into her choice of lifestyle anymore.

So I guess this poses the question – how to you broach the subject that you’ve ‘changed’ and tell your friend, it’s not you, it’s me?

I can understand that most girls have a couple of friends they consider wild and crazy, we all do – these are the lovable friends who get too drunk, try and have punch ups with other girls outside Maccas at 2am and then vomit on your new heels as they throw themselves into a waiting taxi. But they are who they are and they don’t pretend to be anyone else (and best of all they don’t want to change you) and you love them, flaws and all.

Does that love change when your girlfriend/s wants you to conform to something you know you’re not? Do you think having that awkward chat with her will fix things and make life easier, or ruin the friendship? And if it’s the latter, is it a friendship worth patching up?

We live in a world where young women idolise characters like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda for their tight-knit friendship circle and unparalleled support for the life choices each other makes. Has this given us an unrealistic view of what friendship should be? I have no doubt in my mind that I would like to know that my friends support me in my endeavours, but if they didn’t, would it be worth my while trying to salvage something that was doomed to break or moving on without a backward glance?

I think it’s different if you clash over something but can get over it the next day – that’s a sign of a true friend. Being able to forgive and move on. As for A1 and A2’s future friendship – I’ll keep you posted…

My friend Bel

This is just a quick message wishing my friend Belinda all the best for her wedding this weekend. I've known Belinda a looooong time (16 years in fact) and she has been one of the best people to have come into my life. Love you lots BB xx