Bullying bust-up not model behaviour

Now that I am a mother, I have started thinking/worrying/planning for things to prepare and protect Grace from as she gets older. Bullying is one inevitable thing that she will probably bare witness to. 

So I was mortified to hear that A Current Affair was televising a violent incident that occurred on the current Season of Foxtel’s Australia’s Next Top Model (ANTM) between two teenage contestants.

In a challenge-gone-wrong, New South Wales native Ashley Pogmore (18) was physically attacked by Taylah Roberts from Perth (18) after Ashley got paint on Taylah’s shirt. She was basically choked on TV.

The disturbing vision aired on A Current Affair on Monday night

Footage aired around the country on A Current Affair on Monday night showed Taylah wrapping her hands around Ashley’s neck in what was initially a ‘joke’ but  escalated into a serious situation, fast.

As a result of this, Taylah was disqualified from the show (that should be the least of her punishment in my book, she’s lucky Ashley isn’t pressing charges).

But what really boils my blood, is that this incident wasn’t aired on ANTM until last night (Tuesday). So in fact, producers of ANTM were promoting this case of bullying in order to boost viewership. The interview between the two girls on the Monday night acted as a preview to the actual event that was to be shown the next night. Ah, what the? 

I work in public relations, and I’ve got to say, I have never seen such desperate measures to win ratings. Seriously, what kind of television show publicises bullying?

Instead of dealing with it internally, the producers of ANTM obviously thought this clash between two feuding teenage-model-wannabes would make for good viewing. When youth suicide rates are climbing, did they think that this was some kind of clever ploy to satiate the thirst of young audience members?

A Current Affair spoke to both contestants. Taylah seemed regretful over her actions and a tearful Ashley (the one who got attacked) basically defended the actions of Roberts in the interview, saying that even though ‘violence isn’t right’ she didn’t want her competitor’s career ‘to be jeopardised over something that was just a complete misunderstanding’. These words surprised me as Ashley seemed very distraught over what had happened to her. 

 

Ashley Pogmore

Taylah Roberts

Charlotte Dawson, former model and judge on ANTM was also interviewed as part of the A Current Affair segment. Ms Dawson then appeared on Channel Nine’s Mornings show the next day, further plugging the incident. She went on to say that she was worried about the girls’ wellbeing as a result of the footage being aired etc, but if the show was so worried about their contestants and what the public might say, why air it at all?

I think it’s disgraceful, the whole thing, and even though it’s the industry I work in, this kind of thing makes me sick that the media would promote such a thing just to win ratings.

Have child... will travel

So we have made the decision to take our first overseas trip with Grace next year and go to beautiful Hawaii. We are currently doing some of our own research (we aren't going to venture over to the travel agent just yet) and are taking tips, suggestions and ideas to make our trip with a baby (Grace will be around 18 months when we go) as smooth and as enjoyable as possible.

Also, in the short-term, we are going to go down to Melbourne for my birthday in May... it will only be a weekend trip but Grace will only be five months, and that in itself is a scary thing. Any tips would be greatly appreciated! We are looking at staying at a hotel as opposed to a self-contained unit so that we can order food in-house in case a trip to a restaurant is all too hard for our little Princess!

I guess travelling with your baby is like taking them out for the first time since coming home from hospital - you've just got to bite the bullet and do it no matter how scary it seems. I am just a bit apprehensive about the plane ride (especially over to Hawaii!) but I am sure we'll just deal with it when the time comes! Obviously a crying baby on a plane isn't great - for passengers and especially for the parents - I would imagine it to be a very stressful experience.

So if anyone knows a great website for travelling with bubs please send them through!

SHE Magazine Body Beautiful feature - October 2

SHE Magazine's October edition came out today (published in the Gold Coast Bulletin) and I was lucky enough to participate in the mag's Body Beautiful feature!

I was joined by mummy and blogger Carly Electric and ex-Big Brother housemate Charne White where we talked body image, confidence and dealing with our body 'issues'. Since falling pregnant I have seen my body change dramatically and it was great to be able to discuss how my body has changed over the years and how I have grown to love my imperfections and be happy in my own skin. I feel like it was important for me to participate in this as I haven't always loved my body and growing up I did feel the pressure to look a certain way.

I just want to thank Liz, Lauren and Chantay and everyone at SHE Magazine for making this such a fantastic, positive experience to be part of.

Here are a couple of snaps from the publication : )

Near-naked posing with the bump

SHE Magazine's September edition

On Tuesday I was contacted and asked to participate in a special feature being prepared by the girls at SHE Magazine for the Gold Coast Bulletin. A journalist who works with my friend and ex-colleague Chantay told me that I’d been suggested as someone who might be interested in participating.

The feature entitled ‘Gold Coast women bare all’ is part of the magazine’s October body issue where Gold Coast women discuss body image, health and fitness.

After I was given the details of the interview and photo shoot it took me a little while to decide whether this was something I wanted to do. Then I thought stuff it, you only live once, and it would be a great keep-sake anyway.

I must say I was pretty apprehensive this morning when I was readying myself for the semi-nude shoot – yes you read correctly. Bar a few props I was to do a photo shoot celebrating my pregnancy baring as much skin as possible without being too risqué.

 

It's not like I was getting full on naked like Demi Moore or Britney Spears did with just their hands strategically covering their lady bits and showing off their baby bumps - I am not that brave!

I wasn't as brave as Britney was for her Harper's Bazaar cover!

I think body image is such a personal thing, but it is so widely discussed! I haven’t always loved my body – it has been a love-hate relationship to be honest! But I think it is an important topic to talk about. I find it even more relevant now that I am pregnant and my body is actually going through something it was meant to… I love seeing my body change and grow with my baby.

The shoot today was fantastic and a lot of fun – I can’t wait to see the pics! Make sure you keep your eye out for the October edition of SHE Magazine in the Gold Coast Bulletin!

Can't wait to tell our baby one day that it was in my belly at the time of these shots!

Bogus bellies create body image debate

A pregnant model (L) and a non-pregnant model with a prosthetic belly (R)

This week I heard a story about how some fashion houses are using non-pregnant women to model their maternity ware.

This means that fit, non-preggers women with not a hint of baby belly are donning prosthetic ones to give the illusion that they are expecting.

Mothers have hit back suggesting that these models offer unrealistic images for women to compare themselves with. Well, duh! Of course it’s unrealistic, because the model isn’t actually pregnant!

Under the media code of conduct for body image, fashion houses and advertisers don’t have to disclose whether or not a model is wearing a false pregnant belly, but they are required not to display unrealistic images.

Melbourne-based Soon Maternity features a slim, 26-year-old non-pregnant woman, as the face of its autumn/winter range.

A spokeswoman for Soon Maternity said the company preferred to use pregnant models, but they were not always around on the time and day it needed them. To me, this makes perfect sense and as a woman interested in starting a family soon, it doesn’t bother me whether or not a model really is pregnant or not – they are simply trying to show how a garment could look on a pregnant figure.

Let’s face it – every woman is different and carries herself differently from other pregnant women during pregnancy – some have a tiny bump that is invisible from behind and others blow up all over.

Sales and marketing manager for maternity brand Pea in a Pod, Nicky Birkill said she tried to use pregnant models wherever possible, but used non-pregnant women every couple of years. I am aware of a local maternity ware website that uses a model that is obviously non pregnant because she is eternally 6 months gone in the photos used on the site, getting no bigger from month to month.

Some fashion houses have spoken out saying that they only use pregnant models because the prosthetic bellies look awkward and don’t allow for the designer clothing to fit right.

A maternity spread as featured on themercury.com.au - do you think this model is pregnant? She is! 36 weeks to be exact!

Modelling agencies are now getting in on the act saying that they have plenty of pregnant women on their books and are peeved that non-pregnant models are being hired instead of the real deal.

Again, every pregnant body looks different – why can’t a woman retain an immaculate figure while she’s up the duff save a bump at the front? Again, my point is that each body is different. 

Parent Wellbeing founder and psychologist Jodie Benveniste has been quoted in the media stating that non-pregnant women would not necessarily represent the pregnant body and all the changes it went through during pregnancy, but don’t people looking at an ad get that? They understand that it is merely a representation of a pregnant body?

I myself don’t see what all the hoo-ha is but would love reader’s thoughts regarding the topic (especially if you’re pregnant). Do you have a massive issue with this?

Trying to be good hurts (the hip pocket)

So in our bid to be healthier and treat our bodies better, I have told my husband that I am going to be buying more free range and organic products in my future visits to the supermarket.

My family has a history of Coeliac disease (basically living off a Gluten-free diet). I have been used to eating GF products, but eating organically is something different.

I already prefer to buy fruit and veg from the local markets if I can (and give farmers the direct benefit of my dollar, rather than going to the head-honchos at the major supermarkets) but the thing is, I am rather time-poor at the moment and the supermarket is just around the corner from my place…

So if I have to buy stuff from the greedy, mainstream stores, then I’ve decided I want to buy free-range and organic where I can.

What really sucks is that what’s better for us, and really, MUCH better for the animal, fruit and vege crops, costs SO much more than the standard stuff, which includes pesticides, synthetic hormones and a whole load of nasty additives, colours and preservatives.

Buying fresh produce from farmers' markets means you're supporting their industry and buying food that is better for you - ask them what (if any) pesticides they use as not all farmers are organic.

And another thing, buying products that are made in Australia also come with a higher price tag. It’s ludicrous! I know that supermarkets are competitive and try and keep prices as low as possible (without missing out on their margins) but I am not sure that they are doing as much as they could be.

Not long ago I saw Dick Smith on tele advertising his new General Store that he opened after his dismay at our farmers going broke because we opt to buy chemically enhanced food that is grown and packaged overseas. Hey, it’s cheaper and a lot of people can’t afford to be choosy when it comes to grocery shopping for their families.

Dick’s shop is filled with Australian grown and packaged products from some of our country’s best gourmet food producers, as well as his own branded wares (I happen to LOVE his crunchy peanut butter) but they are that bit more dearer than other products.

For instance, I’ve compared a few products that you can buy from the supermarket and make the choice between organic or normal – the price difference is astronomical.

ORGANIC PRODUCTS                                 NORMAL PRODUCTS

Organic corn chips 200g	$3.20	CCs corn chips 200g	$3.17
Organic rolled oats 750g	$4.83	Homebrand rolled oats 750g	$1.28
Organic cashew nuts raw 250g	$8.91	Sunbeam cashew nuts raw 250g	$6.99
Organic pasta sauce 375g	$4.29	Five Brother’s pasta sauce 500g	$3.75

This is only a small sample, but as you can see, you pay more for what is essentially, better for you. In some cases, you get much more product (see the pasta sauces) for a lot less cost.

Essentially in order for me to eat free-range, organic, gluten-free and pesticide free, I have estimated that I will basically have to spend about $25 extra to do this every week. That’s $1,300 extra per year to eat products that are much better for me and my family and support our own Aussie farmers in the same hit.

This shit is crazy and doesn’t make sense!

Anyway, if you want to side-track the supermarkets, here’s a link to the Australian Farmers’ Markets Association website – you can find your closest market by clicking the ‘Find a Market’ tab http://www.farmersmarkets.org.au/

Wish me luck on my quest to eat healthier and support our food growers – I might go broke in the process but at least I’ll feel better for it.

Free therapy through letter writing

I’ve turned into a letter writer. You know, one of those people that have an issue, so they write letter upon letter until something or some kind of reimbursement is offered to make everything all warm and fuzzy again?

One thing I’ve found, that apart from the emotional kick I get out of giving people or businesses that have wronged me a blast, is that it is an incredibly therapeutic process.

Today I’ve written a scathing follow-up letter to our builder notifying them that I am appalled at the lack of response I received first round of communication. Sure our house probably isn’t even safe to live in, but I guess you’ll just return my email when you’re good and ready.

Well today I have been in a state about these ongoing issues, so I decided to draft up a few lines telling them how I felt:

“Dear Mr Builder – I hate your stinking guts. Signed, client who has paid you hundreds of thousands of dollars.” 

“Dear greedy-bloodsucking-losers with no duty-of-care – is my house going to explode? Regards, your unhappy customer.” 

“Yo – I’m going to sue your f*****g poor excuse for a company and then drag your name through the mud in the media until you fix my damn house issues. Love always, Ash (your very sarcastic and biggest non-fan).”

No I didn’t write any of this, but just I did write a very firm yet polite prose about exactly what I wanted and expected to be done. I think I get the sense of release after writing a few drafts of what I’d really like to say to them… you should try it.

I could resort to other, much more extreme means to try and get my point across (let your mind wander, and yes, I’ve thought of doing it!) but I concluded that writing a letter is much more socially acceptable than leaving a gaping, smouldering hole in the side of my target’s place of business.

So if you have an issue, write a letter, you’ll be surprised how good it feels to really bang on the keyboard and watch as page upon page is filled with your angry, bitter and (hopefully not regrettable) language.

Please don't bitch to me, I don't care for your whingeing

Sometimes people just want to live a life of drama.

I’m talking about the kind of person who thrives off gossip, nastiness and plain old shit-stirring.

I understand that at times it’s easy to be angry at people and have disagreements – fighting with people you care about is an unfortunate part of life. 

However moving on with dignity without dragging someone's name through mud is something that a lot of young people on the Gold Coast need to learn.

I am nearly 30 years old and have been to three different schools. In my time (I sound like an old Geezer, but moving on…) I have been part of many friendship ‘groups’ and hung out with some people who in the end, I didn’t stay friends with for various reasons.

The term ‘group’ is toxic, especially when you’re an adolescent growing up and going through high school – so much so that who you hang out with defines who you are as a person. It’s bullshit!

Now that I’m older I have some incredible friends that I have known for over ten years. What I love about these people is that I think I’ve had fights and disagreements with all of them over the years, and we’re still the best of friends.

With us, the connotation of ‘group’ has been dropped – we’re old enough now to make up our minds about who we love and want to invest time in, and who we had been wasting our breath on.

Being bitter about a failed friendship is shit. Slagging off that friend is even more shit. It’s hard to let go of a friendship because you may hold good memories, but you can’t fix something that’s broke – it will never be the same.

I don’t care for petty gossip, whispers and other people’s drama – I just want to live my life and enjoy the people in my life who actually matter and bring meaning to my existence.  

This is my solemn vow that I, Ashleigh, will no longer waste any time on people who can’t see past their spiteful resentment and just be a nice person.

Maybe it’s what the Gold Coast culture has done to them? But then that’s no excuse – I was born and bred here and have lived her for nearly 27 years and I’m not a cold-hearted bitch.

People should take note – because being a bitch is a pretty ugly trait.

Where is the love?

With more and more expecting well, more, for their dollar, customer service has never been more important during these harsh economic times.

You only have to pick up the daily rag to read that retailers and big companies are putting the pressure on their staff to step up their game and really listen to their customers.

As the old line says ‘the customer is never wrong’ and this is the mantra that service providers live by (I have been at both ends of this statement). 

Why is it then, that some people who have titles such as Customer Care Manager or Customer Relations Consultant really have jack all skill in the specific area of offering care to their customers? Or do they just not give a shit? Or do they just like bickering with the people that are keeping them in a job?

I guess I am a bit jaded – our Customer Care Manager (or whatever her damn title is) who is dealing with us during our building process is being plain and simply, an irritating cow who has not given us a single amount of ‘care’.  

I think I have answered all of the questions Ben and I have had about the build myself, as our CCM has been unable to provide any kind of assistance and even when she attempts to, it’s very feeble. Essentially I am doing this woman’s job for her because she is so bad at what she does and I just don’t have the patience to deal with her.

I don’t get this. I mean we are building a damn house and giving this company more money that we’ve ever spent on anything… and we can’t even get a woman to return a phone call or email. I know you are busy, but so am I and a little communication wouldn't go astray. It really is frustrating and all I can hope is that it will be worth all the hassle in the end (which I am sure it will be).  

I am not going to be one of those customers who send a thank you card and a bunch of flowers or the customary bottle of wine at the conclusion of our dealings. I’ll send her a bag of my dog’s pooh more likely. 

What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time I’ve been given slack customer service when it comes to something important.

Last year one of the women who was instrumental in organising our wedding at the Sofitel on the Gold Coast (and who I had in charge of all of the minor details for the reception) decided that on the night of the reception, she wouldn’t turn up.

Well you could imagine how I felt upon hearing from her substitute that she wouldn’t be there (all I can say is that I had wonderful bridesmaids who were plying me with champagne at that point).

It’s like once they get paid, they really just don’t care anymore – there is no follow up and all of their initial promises of being there for you and being only a phone call or an email away are broken. It’s bullshit!

When I am at work the clients come first and that’s how it should be. I don’t ignore their requests and I don’t skit over details because I just can’t be bothered getting into explanations.

Hell, my husband is so damn dedicated to customer service (he works at a bank) that he is at work at 7:30am and often not home until 7pm because he is trying to sort out issues so that people aren't left in the dark without their questions answered. More people should adapt his work ethic!

People, a little care here and there goes a long way!

Change yourself, not others

I think that I am the kind of person who has a pretty open mind and generally speaking, I am pretty keen to try anything.

But I have an issue with people who look down upon you because you don’t share their beliefs or in their new found reason for living.

For instance, a friend who becomes a born-again Christian after making mistakes in life and then finding the church and the answers to all their problems. I am happy for you, but just because I don’t want to go on a church date with you doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends?!

Or the person who decides to give up alcohol forever and go to AA because they have seen the wrongs of their ways. They then lecture you about living soberly and how much better life is in general if you don’t drink. Hey buddy, I don’t have an alcohol problem – I respect you for getting help, but don’t judge me for not joining AA too!

Have you ever been in a situation like this? It’s really strange and I feel like it puts you in a position where your personal relationships with these people is changed and usually not for the better.  

Instead of people letting others ‘live and let live’ they want to push their new-found mantra on to people and then they react negatively if others don’t share in their enthusiasm. What sucks is that it is usually people that care about them that are the ones that get hurt.

It’s like a catch 22 – you are happy that your friend or loved one has found some clarity in life but you feel bad when you have to tell them that you don’t share that particular passion for whatever it is they are trying to achieve in life. It is your life after all, not theirs – why should you feel bad? I know it’s about preservation of a personal relationship but it’s almost like you have to approach situations like this in the most delicate of ways.

Like explaining to a child for the first time why their pet goldfish is bobbing motionless upside down in its water bowl.

Everyone is different after all and has their own opinions and beliefs. I am happy for friends and family that try new things and find themselves living better than they have their whole life. But please don’t be upset with me if your new commitment to something that means the world to you, doesn’t mean the world to me too.

What is worse when people become extremely arrogant and act like they are above everyone else given their new ‘worldly’ outlook and treat everyone else as though they are close-minded and ignorant.

A friend of mine who recently told a group of us that we were pretty much stupid for having mortgages and getting married after he pissed off overseas to quote “get rich and become a CEO” sheepishly emailed us with his tail between his legs and apologised for his cutting remarks. Just because we don’t all want to be big-shot business executives doesn’t mean we are lesser human beings.

I guess that I just want to say to all my friends and family members that I’ll still love you even if you do become obsessed with some weird cult or believe that we should all be embracing public nudity or even if you think the national anthem should be replaced with Beyonce’s Single Ladies. Just don't expect me to embrace it whole-heartedly.

Kiddy-kickboxing a no-no

I grew up in a household where participating in weekend sport was the norm. My parents brought my little brother and I up to be active and encouraged us to participate in team and individual sports.
I still love playing sport, as does my husband and we’ll definitely be encouraging our kids to play sport and teach them the benefits of getting exercise and interacting with others on the sporting field.

However, I was a bit horrified over the weekend to learn that a local kickboxing promoter had created a match between his eight-year-old daughter and a seven-year-old opponent – the young girls kicked and punched each other in a ring where onlookers (mostly older men) consumed alcohol, screamed out encouragement and handed out cash tips for the little girls.

My issue with this is not the fact that these young girls are ‘competing’ in a sport – it’s the kind of activity that they are doing. With their bones not finished growing and their brains not yet fully developed, I feel like this is a completely unsuitable past time for any minor (girl or boy) to be participating in.

Georgia Barton 7 (L) and Jasmine Parr 8 (R) fighting in Saturday's match

What ever happened to kids wanting to play soccer, go to Nippers or run at Little Athletics? When I was about 10-years-old, my parents enrolled my brother and I in Karate lessons to help teach us the basics of self defence. My dad also decided to undertake the adult classes to help encourage us and also learn some potential life-saving defensive techniques.

I see nothing wrong with this kind of contact sport – Karate teaches you how to focus and be disciplined and it is also very spiritual.

I don’t see what small children are going to learn from kickboxing? The little girls over the weekend were dressed up in garish pink outfits with lipstick and streamers and then proceeded to kick, shove and punch each other.

Jasmine "Princess" Parr with her father and fight promoter John Wayne Parr

They aren’t learning anything from participating in this but how to most effectively beat their opponent to a pulp. I think it's sick!

I just think this is sickening and I feel that the promoter of this match should be ashamed of himself for encouraging such a thing (he isn’t though – he’s already promoting future child matches).

The crowd at Saturday's fight - mostly older men who were consuming alcohol

I am not sure how everyone else feels about this, but it just feels like the kickboxing fraternity on the Gold Coast has just hit an all time low and I for one wouldn’t go to see a child match if you paid me.

Up in smoke

There has been a lot around lately about smoking and the proposed new Labor plan to introduce plain packets to deter people from buying them.

I am not a smoker and I really have to question the effectiveness of such a plan. Would someone who has smoked for 30 years give up just because their smokes come in a plain packet?

With several Coalition MPs backing Labor’s move, which the government says will cut smoking rates and improve public health, there have now been calls for the government to go further and ban donations from tobacco companies to parties.

In the Courier Mail, WA Liberal senator Chris Back was quoted as saying he didn’t believe plain packaging would cut smoking rates.

"If the product is so bad that companies can't use their own brand to actually sell it then the government ought to ... say, should it be legal in the first place?'" he said.

Federal health minister Nicola Roxon admits that although the move to remove advertising on cigarette packages may not reduce smoking rates, that it would bring about a change in how the tobacco companies operated.

Have you all seen the recent $61 million campaign based around lung cancer and smoker’s cough on television and billboards? I saw an ad on the back of a taxi, with a man coughing up blood and the slogan saying The cost of his cigarettes isn’t the only thing he will cough up. Clever words from a PR standpoint but I am not sure of the overall impact… 

We have all seen those graphic ads on TV where they cut the chest of a smoker open to reveal blackened lungs and clogged arteries… I think that it’s unnecessary for people to have to see this kind of thing. I don’t condone smoking and I am aware of the health risks, but you can’t force people to quit by implementing shock and awe tactics.

People know smoking is bad for them and still decide to smoke; I don’t believe that a new multi-million dollar campaign or selling blank cigarette packs is going to change that.

I feel like this will be a never-ending battle until smoking is eventually made illegal, which seems unlikely to happen.

Lung cancer is one of the leading causes of preventable death and disease in Australia. It kills 15,000 people and costs taxpayers $31.5 billion a year.

Currently, 16 per cent of Australians are smokers. That equates to 3,618,888 Australians.

Dangerously in love

This isn't a feel-good topic, but it's something I'd like to address.

I am confused and saddened to hear that many people don’t know how to deal with being in an abusive relationship – and shocked to hear that many even tolerate it.

If you google ‘domestic violence in Australia’ the statistics that come up are alarming.

Men and women who have been in an abusive relationship might say they were wearing a blindfold that stopped them from seeing the reality of the situation they were in.

I know they say love is blind and in some cases, dangerously so.

There are some that knowingly turn a blind eye to misdemeanours on their partner’s behalf, and some even put up with abuse because it’s too hard to just walk away and end the relationship.

I would think that making a choice to end a relationship or a marriage is a damn hard thing to do, but people have their own reasons. Where the danger lies, however, is when someone is stuck in an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship and still can’t see that it’s a poisonous union. As I said before, love is blind.

Most of you heard about the fall out between Rihanna and Chris Brown with the physical assault charges and awful photographs released of Rihanna looking bloody and beaten. When she sat down with Diane Sawyer on American television she admitted that it had happened several times before, but that she’d only now just found the strength to leave him and finally close that negative chapter in her life.

I feel like there are a lot of women and even men out there in the same situation.

On the other hand there are some who put up with cheating because they feel that it’s something they can deal with if it means their partner won’t leave them. Let them have their cake and eat it too, so to say.

I know that people want to feel ‘loved’ and ‘wanted’, but I doubt putting up with cheating is one way to feel secure about yourself.

The dangers of being in relationships like these means that your reality is misconstrued – you choose to see things a different way to appease yourself. It’s not until you’re out of the relationship do you actually see it for what it really was.

If you think you are the victim of domestic abuse – whether it be emotional, physical or sexual, you can get some information from http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/domestic-violence and follow the links to obtain help.

No one, male or female, should have to deal with being in an abusive or dangerous relationship.

You are too good to put up with that shit any longer than you have to – stand up for yourself and if you are struggling to, speak to someone who can help you.